​I suffer from Depression on a good day and PTSD and anxiety on a bad day.  I can feel my heart go up, breathing go shallow, a kind of fever warm, but shivering at the same time.  I, on a bad day, will wake up agitated.  Not necessarily angry externally but more towards me.  I am feeling like I am a failure and worthless.  I feel like Microcurrent isn’t the answer for me or anyone else.     I feel like I have let my friends and family down by being in their lives.  I question my ability to raise my child.  I question why someone would befriend me.  Like what do I have to offer that is different than the same old routine.  I question if Kevin will love me, the real me, the wholly broken me.  I am held together but the case has been dropped too many times to not have some cracks.  I do all I can to not spin out in the cycles.  I question my worthiness in life, with friends, my child, and my husband.  I   am embarrassed to admit how often these thoughts still come to me.  They used to be much more dark and suicidal.  I wanted to hurt myself the same way I had been hurt by my family.  I have drunk more than I should.  I have smoked cigarettes for too many years.  I have done different drugs.  Nothing has removed the cracks in my soul.  When I fall I feel Julie screaming at me.  I hear her telling me I’m worthless and not to try anymore.  My own mother does not give me peace.  Quite the opposite.  She makes me upset and panicked all in one.  She did not raise me with love and acceptance, because of this I struggle to love and accept myself.  Which then in turn makes it hard to accept love or be present in a relationship of any kind.  People will get too close and then it is how can I react to push them away.  I haven’t held an actual JOB for 8 years.  When we decided to have V I said I don’t think I can work and carry a child.  I also did not want to send her to daycare.  So at home I stayed.  When people say it drives you nuts I know what they mean now. It took 8 years to get it.  Being home has allowed amazing things for myself, my husband and my child.  It has also brought much despair for me mentally.  I can sit for hours thinking of how awful I am.  I can also dream about how wonderful I am for my family and friends.  For the world.  I am important, brilliant and beautiful in my own ways.  I am important to my family.  I am loving and caring.  I can’t see these things in the middle of a shame cycle.  Sometimes its daily, or monthly but in the moments of panic it feels like I get by in the seconds and minutes.  24 hours is too much to think about.  In the moments of panic they feel so heavy that they are days of times in just moments.  I sometimes question how to get to the next moment.  I get to them by breathing.  I diffuse oils.  I hook up the micro current.  I sleep it off, like a hangover.  I pray that there will not be another shame cycle.  I meditate.  I picture waves washing me and the sand resettleing in me to the new me, as the waves wash back out.  I focus on something that is near me.  I check and recheck that all is order in the house.  I do not go to store and buy the instruments of hurt when in a shame cycle.  The instruments sometimes are guns but sometimes just steel pipes or baseball bats.  I wake thinking that my family or someone else is out side with guns or other tools.  I need to I must have protection.  I don’t really believe I need a gun or protection but in the middle of a panic attack it certainly calms me to think of being able to protect myself and my family.                     
   

​I have been off antidepressants for about 8 years.  Micro current was the first thing in my life that made me not want to be on Prozac.  Let me back up, I had a very troubled childhood.  Most knew my parents as upstanding members of our community.  I knew their anger and rage.  I was taught that covering up our past was part of our present and future.  I came out of it, the abuse, with depression and PTSD.  I was the check list that they give you when you go see a counselor.  Panic attacks from the grocery store, swearing I was being followed, or chased.  Loud noises could make my heart rate increase.  No danger in sight just my sensitive being, shown abuse after abuse, wondering if today that lion might catch me.
When I had my daughter, I hit a major depression.  Not just post-partum but alarmingly deep.  I said to a La Leche League member that I felt at wits end.  Couldn’t see how I was going to handle being a momma.  I had not slept, on her birthday, for almost 30 days.  I would fall asleep and wake in a panic attack full force.  I felt I was losing my breath and each time I was closer to not waking up.  My daughter was born healthy, via c-section.  I did 36 hours without any pain meds and yet when it came down to it the Dr. was unwilling to allow me to continue.  It was surgery or go home. Right after having V, my brother a chiropractor in Johnstown, came to the hospital to see us.  I couldn’t see straight at this point.  I had taken one pain med and I didn’t feel better so the hospital gave me three doses of pain meds.  Two pills one shot,  I felt like I could be overdosing. Brad came in and adjusted me.  For the first time since having V I could see straight.  I couldn’t breathe, I was swollen, and I couldn’t sleep and I had a newborn on my hands.  So we had her and the LLL lady told me of a chiropractor in my area.  His name is Dr. Tom Patterson.  He saved my life. 
At Dr. Tom’s he gave me Frequency Specific Micro Current (FSM).  He also gave me an ion cleanse and adjusted me.  I was at one of my lowest points ever.  I still couldn’t sleep, I hadn’t rid my body of any of the water retention.  The Dr.’s offered meds of any sort.  Try ambien, try Benadryl, here’s some diuretics to help you get rid of the swelling.  Every med I took made things worse.  Ambien I thought Justin, my brother, was coming to my house to Par-TAY.  At Dr. Tom’s, sitting in a chair, with feet in ion cleanse, FSM on me, I slept.  First time in 30 days and it felt GREAT!  Kevin came back to drive me home and saw me sleeping. My swollen feet would also shrink down, like a raisin, each time I ran the FSM.   He said I don’t know what is in it but we are going to need some more of it.  Luckily Dr. Tom could be seen whenever there was an emergency.  I think we ended up seeing him several days in a row.  At first I felt very sleepy doing the FSM.  The sun would set and I would need to have some more micro current.  Luckily Dr. Tom was willing to rent us a machine for home use.  Again life saving.  I was so very close to the edge. 
When we rented the machine I started asking questions about the machine.  What is it?  How does it work?  How much to buy a machine?  Could I just drop the clips in the bath tub?  Apparently Dr. Tom is also able to see much more than me because each question was met with.  You should look into the class. 
There is also one other time in our lives where Dr. Tom’s help was immeasurable.  We had a car wreck.  A 40 MPH T-bone accident.  It totaled our car but we walked away.  Went to our Family Physician who prescribed narcotics to help with pain and muscle relaxers.  I called Dr. Brad Cranwell and asked how many adjustments he was thinking for us.  I also called Dr. Tom.  My brother said at least a year Jill, that’s pretty fast and a lot of force.  Dr. Tom had us healed in only 6 weeks.  Kevin was healed faster, like maybe 3 weeks.  Went to the office hooked up FSM and got adjusted at the end.  Headaches gone, pain in back and shoulders gone.  It is really just amazing all that FSM has done for us in our lives.